Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
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I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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