Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
