So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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