no, he came in my armpit
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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