i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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