I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
