I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
