true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
