someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
