Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
