im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
