We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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