Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
