theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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