I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
