I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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