I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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