no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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