Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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