I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
