Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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