Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize