Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
