Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
