Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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