I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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