Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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