I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
