Cold hands, warm shart.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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