so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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