I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
