Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
