did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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