how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
