I accidentally had phone sex last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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