cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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