It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
