I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
