brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
