and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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