ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
