And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
