clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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