I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
