Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
