I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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