you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am one with the molecules
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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