yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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