Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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