i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
