Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
