thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
