By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
