Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
