I accidentally had phone sex last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just threw up on my dentist
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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