I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
