i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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