i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
