i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
