I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
