I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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