yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
