I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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