My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
