Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
