i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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