The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
