My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's blow job season.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
