I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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