Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
