i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
