Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
