You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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