I think im going to throw up on grandma
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
