Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
