im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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