my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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