Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
