Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
